Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture (Presented by Jennifer Aniston and Benedict Cumberbatch)
Rubin: Taniston.
Watercutter: CUMBERBATCH
Rubin: “She got 4 4s”—my wife, with the Friends deep cut
Crucchiola: Taniston!
LOLOL
Rubin: Someone counted Mississippily!
Crucchiola: I think that was my favorite throw to an awards present ever.
Rubin: Ethan Hawke has turned into Young Bill Paxton.
Crucchiola: Early advantage WHIPLASH!
Watercutter: And the band gets to play jazz!
Rubin: “And the award goes to…JK Simmons! No, wait, sorry, that should have been ‘J/K, it goes to Mark Ruffalo.”
Rubin: I kinda hoped he’d accept in character as Cave Johnson from Portal 2.
Crucchiola: Let’s never forget Oz.
Rubin: Or as the mogul from Party Down.
Watercutter: Miles Teller is Robin?!
Rubin: Always struck me as more of a Nightwing.
Watercutter: “He inspired me every day to want to scream at him and hit him in the face.” – JK Simmons on Miles “Boy Wonder” Teller
Crucchiola: It’s nice to see JK getting this spotlight. He’s fantastic.
Rubin: Lorne Michaels looking straight St. Tropez at the Simmons table. How did that happen?
Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie (Presented By the Leads of Fifty Shades of Grey)
Crucchiola: There is ALREADY negative chemistry between Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan!
Rubin: “And, in one more stab at making you care about Fifty Shades of Grey…”
Rubin: Weird that Michelle Monaghan didn’t win for a role she inhabited for approximately 17 seconds an episode.
Watercutter: Joanne Froggatt wins.
Watercutter: Downton Domination
Crucchiola: Cathy Bates losing is not an acceptable answer.
“This is the most shocking moment of my life” is not anything a Downton winner can say.
Kehe: Are we always to be made uncomfortable by the long awkward walk from table to stage?
Rubin: It gets staggerier as the night goes on.
Watercutter: I’m so glad that it appears Jessica Chastain at the front table.
That means she’ll always be there as we await people walking to stage.
Crucchiola: I would deliver my whole speech to her.
And just thank her. For everything.
Kehe: First commercial break. Impressions?
Rubin: No one told me that live-chatting awards show meant having to sit through commercials. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
So far so meh?
Watercutter: The opening bit was nice.
Crucchiola: I liked the duo-logue.
Watercutter: And I’ll never be mad JK Simmons won something.
Crucchiola: Oh but now we get to watch coming attractions commercials!
Watercutter: Blackhat!
Rubin: H4CK3RZ WITH GUNS
Kehe: /shirtless Chris Hemsworth
Crucchiola: YES, PLEASE
Rubin: h4xth0r
Damn, wish I had thought of that one first.
Watercutter: Yes, Peter, yessss!
Best TV Miniseries or Movie (Presented by Jennifer Lopez and Jeremy Renner)
Rubin: Clumsy joke #Million: “It’s J-Locut and Huh-Guy!”
Kehe: What part of JLo’s dress did she rip off for her earrings?
Rubin: All of it, I think.
Crucchiola: Good win for FX with Fargo.
Kehe: FARGO!
Rubin: Dark horse!
Crucchiola: I support Martin Freeman’s endeavors.
Rubin: As do I, I just wish I liked the show more.
Crucchiola: The just-before-they-hit-the-stage cam is uncomfortable.
Rubin: Wallace Shawn is looking younger than ever!
Crucchiola: “We’re gonna do it again” was very defiant.
Like someone is trying to STOP FARGO.
Rubin: Maybe just global warming.
Best Actor in a TV Miniseries or Movie
Crucchiola: Ohhhhh good category!
Woody vs. Matthew!
Rubin: I think McConnaughey’s been here since last year
Watercutter: Ok, True Detective will win SOMETHING here, right?
Crucchiola: THE WALLACE SHAWN BABY!!!
I’m going for Woody!!
FARGO DOUBLE UPSET!
Watercutter: Billy Bob Thornton!
Kehe: Back to back FARGOS.
Rubin: Jeremy Renner’s chemistry with J-Lo’s breasts is also terrible.
Watercutter: Billy Bob almost just did finger guns.
Kehe: “Fargo” hereinafter my word for “upset.”
Rubin: Good, because I’m Fargo about this acceptance speech.
Crucchiola: Billy rocking the paisley-esque print shirt, since forever.
Watercutter: “I’m just gonna say ‘thank you.'”—Thanks for that, Billy Bob.
Naomi Watts Takes the Stage
Crucchiola: WOW. YES NAOMI.
Rubin: Iced Out Herpetologist.
Watercutter: Is she wearing a snake made of diamonds?
Rubin: That’s what she’s doing!
Crucchiola: I think Birdman‘s got comedy/musical and Boyhood has drama.
Neither of those are interesting thoughts, but still.
Kehe: Has any favorite won so far? Are there even favorites?
Crucchiola: Fair point, Jason.
No one has BUZZ this year.
And does that mean nothing was good or that there was TOO much good?
Watercutter: Nothing is on an unstoppable run.
Crucchiola: In a year where Box Office was down year over year from 2013.
Watercutter: … but when we have more prestige TV than ever.
Crucchiola: Also, Page Six tweets that Entourage is filming AT the Globes tonight… Gross?
Watercutter: Margaret Cho! (Right?)
Rubin: Margaret Cho bout to get HACKED, y’all.
Crucchiola: Margaret Cho was born to do this.
Watercutter: C-Batch photobomb!
Benedict has been perfecting that move for a while now.
Crucchiola: Meryl gives the standing O for freedom of speech chat!
Audience follows!
Meryl is their guide. And they listen.
Kehe: We wouldn’t be doing this recap right now if it weren’t for Alan Turing—gay grandfather of WIRED magazine.
Lead Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical (Presented by Kerry Washington and Bryan Cranston)
Crucchiola: Do we think Cranston will win this year just because we don’t know what else to do?
THE CW ACTRESS WON?!?!?!
Watercutter: Jane the Virgin surprise!
Rubin: Jane the Virgin going FARGO on these fools.
Crucchiola: Whoooaaaaaaa!!!!!!
This will be, no matter what, the biggest upset of the night.
Rubin: I hope she gives an immaculate acceptance.
Crucchiola: OK, not that this girl doesn’t deserve it—I haven’t watched Jane the Virgin—but is the HFPA trolling?
Rubin: Kerry Washington and Bryan Cranston have no idea who Gina Rodriguez is.
Crucchiola: They just downed Netflix, HBO and Showtime
Watercutter: OK, that speech *was* great.
Kehe: Idk about immaculate but I was moved.
Crucchiola: Bless her little surprised heart.
Kehe: Suddenly I want Jane the Virgin to win everything since we’re clearly living in an alternate reality.
Best TV Comedy or Musical
Crucchiola: TRANSPARENT!
Watercutter: TRANSPARENT
Rubin: TRANSPARENT
Crucchiola: That whole category (best comedy series) was all women and minorities. Besides Silicon Valley.
Rubin: That’s what I was about to say!
Kehe: Meh—was I the ONLY person who found that show depressing?
Rubin: It was depressing and more.
Rubin: Jill Soloway: a deserver of Everything.
Crucchiola: 2014 REproves it was the biggest year in the history of trans discourse.
Watercutter: Alcorn dedication = my heart squeezes.
Rubin: Also shouting out her “mapa” is huge.
Crucchiola: Nothing is predictable.
I have no idea what’s going to happen!
Kehe: “To love” – absolutely. But none of those characters were particularly lovable.
Watercutter: I tend to enjoy flawed characters.
For those who want background on that Leelah Alcorn bit, here.
Kehe: I NEVER recognize Sienna Miller.
Apparently she was in Foxcatcher.
Best Original Score in a Motion Picture
Crucchiola: What TWIST will score deploy??
Watercutter: First win for Theory of Everything!
Kehe: Iceland! Discovered on some obscure Dutch music blog, no doubt.
Best Original Song in a Motion Picture (Presented by Prince)
Crucchiola: PRINCE?!?!?!?
THAT SWAGGER!
Kehe: The Hollywood Foreign Press obviously voted per the recs of the Dutch music bloggers.
Watercutter: Louis CK is so down for PRINCE right now.
Crucchiola: Oh, his voice.
It’s like slow rolling honey.
Rubin: I think I just got pregnant.
Crucchiola: Second that.
Kehe: Sia wrote a song for Annie?!
Crucchiola: I want original song to be Lorde!
Rubin: Just went back to see Allison Janney lose her shit over Prince.
Well worth it.
Crucchiola: Damn. We just got cheated out of a Lorde speech.
In her smart pants suit.
Watercutter: And a moment between Lorde and Prince.
Rubin: Chrissy Teigen’s husband seems very nice.
Crucchiola: Common can’t turn off his poet.
Rubin: And the giant humanoid cat who is Common gets a nice introduction to confused viewers!
Damn, Common, can John Legend get a word in?
Someone please GIF Chrissy Teigen’s face.
She looked stricken.
Watercutter: Right? She kinda forgot she was at a televised show there for a minute.
Kehe: Oprah’s quivering lower lip was basically me during Selma. I cried poetically for two hours.
Crucchiola: I don’t think I was ever not crying for Selma.
Just passive/active crying back and forth for two hours.
Watercutter: I only stopped crying during Selma once I was fully dehydrated.
Crucchiola: Hahahaha
So does Kat Dennings
Crucchiola: Oh NO
Watercutter:
Rubin: Oh noooo.
Best Supporting Actor in Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie (Presented by Katie Holmes and Seth Meyers)
Crucchiola: Aww Katie Holmes is here!
I like when she’s busy.
Rubin: I had no idea she was this tall
Kehe: This is the most she’s worked in a while.
Rubin: Or that Seth Meyers is a wee child.
Watercutter: BOMER
Kehe: Um, I think I’d like to see a Seth Meyer-Katie Holmes Weekend Update?
Watercutter: Alan Cumming in khaki.
Rubin: Alan Cumming goes Full Ecru!
Crucchiola: NORMAL HEART!
Kehe: YAY NORMAL HEART.
Crucchiola: MATT BOMER
This is probably why he didn’t do Fifty Shades.
Watercutter: Everyone should take note of Bomer’s suit.
Kehe: OK. This is the most progressive Globes ever.
Crucchiola: It’s STAGGERING.
Almost suspiciously progressive.
Rubin: They have three kids?
Watercutter: … And now I’m crying over The Normal Heart all over again.
Kehe: Humanity has miraculously leapt forward, like, a good generation.
Rubin: Keep in mind it’s the foreign press.
Crucchiola: On the heals of a distressing year.
That’s nice to see.
Rubin: Humanity is Huge in Europe.
Clive Owen Presents Theory of Everything
Watercutter: I’ve watched so much Knick this year I’m just presuming Clive Owen is high on coke right now.
Rubin: Friend of WIRED Eddie Redmayne!
Crucchiola: Hey Eddie!
Miss you!
Watercutter: Eddie!
Best Lead Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical (Presented By Ricky Gervais)
Rubin: Did not miss you, Ricky.
Crucchiola: Ricky says “celebrity” like he ISN’T one.
Kehe: “Streep”—not enough people call her that.
Crucchiola: Amy Adams!
Well, that’s nice!
Watercutter: Amy just said on the red carpet she expected to not win.
WRONG AMY.
Crucchiola: The Globes love Amy.
Rubin: Hey, remember when she and Isla Fisher were the same person?
Crucchiola: So far the Oscars love her less.
Which makes me sad.
Rubin: And then Amy Adams started winning everything?
Kehe: I think we’ll need to watch the 8 p.m. broadcast because all the winners will surely be different.
Rubin: And now Isla Fisher just sits somewhere and has to act amused by Sasha Baron Cohen?
Watercutter: LOL
Crucchiola: Hahahahaha Jason you’re SO right!
Men and straight people and white people will win all of them in the 8 p.m. telecast
Watercutter: Everyone Loves Christoph!
Crucchiola: I believe Amy was genuinely surprised just now.
Crucchiola: … Where is Shailene Woodley??
Will she presenting the Mother Gaia award in this celebration of women at the Golden Globes??
Rubin: I was sure she’d pop up when the actress from Jane Divergent won for best actress.
…I’ll see myself out
Kehe: No!
That was my only LOL of the night
Watercutter:
Thanks, Internet.
Rubin: That was really a tremendous photobomb.
Crucchiola: It’s so perfect it looks fake.
Watercutter: He’s great at it.
Kehe: It’s so cartoony. Is there a trampoline?
Crucchiola: Like, digitally manipulated.
Rubin: SPROING
Best Animated Feature (Presented by Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart)
Watercutter: Hey, it’s Everly!
Crucchiola: Lil’ Kev!
Rubin: … and Keverly!
Crucchiola:
Hahahahaha!
Watercutter: I Hart Keverly.
Paul Drinkwater/NBC
Rubin: HEYOOOO.
Watercutter: … now I’ll show myself out.
Crucchiola: It was nice of Salma to stand up there and be Kevin Hart’s audience member.
Gruyere?
Is that what she said?
Greer!
Greer Grammer!
Rubin: Judy Gruyere.
Crucchiola: “You’re the dude of the moment”—Salma
Watercutter: Really?
Kehe: Not Lego Movies?!
Crucchiola: WHAT THE HELL?!?!
Rubin: Big Hero 6 gets Fargoed by HTTYD2!
On the plus side, I would very much like this guy [How to Train Your Dragon 2 director Dean DeBlois, right] to rescue me from a burning building.
Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture (Presented by Jared Leto)
Watercutter: Marry Me, Meryl.
I am so bewitched.
Rubin: How to train your preciousness, Jared Leto.
OK, best supporting actress, motion picture.
Watercutter: I can’t choose in this category. I can’t.
Kehe: C’mon, Patricia.
Rubin: Jared Leto looks like a soda jerk.
Kehe: YES THANK YOU.
Crucchiola: Boyhood strikes.
Watercutter: Patricia Arquette—so deserved!
Crucchiola: I get it.
And I’m happy about it.
But I still can’t be moved away from Jessica Chastain.
Kehe: She’s trembling. I love her.
Kehe: I’d like her to win the Oscar. I thought she was the best part of Boyhood.
Watercutter: She was.
Kehe: She evolved as both a character and actress before our eyes.
Crucchiola:
Kehe: I want fingers like that.
They’re murder weapons.
Crucchiola: For .
Crucchiola: FINALLY more Tina and Amy!
Rubin: Gotta say, not as sure about this Interview
bit.
Best Screenplay (Presented by Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader)
Watercutter: The Skeleton Twins!
Rubin: Skeleton twinz!
Crucchiola: Yay the Skeleton Twins!
Kehe: Nothing’s gonna stop them now.
Watercutter: I want him to slip into Stefon for just a second. “It’s that thing, where a bunch of street punks act out Terminator on mescaline…”
Crucchiola:
Rubin: I want this to keep going.
Watercutter: I wish I could “heart” this presentation.
Rubin: Screenplay bets?
Crucchiola: Birdman?
I’d be real happy with Gone Girl.
Rubin: Boyhood or Imitation Game.
Kehe: Betting is futile.
Watercutter: Birdman. Though I love Imitation Game.
Rubin: Birdman!
Crucchiola: BIRDMAN ATTACKS
Rubin: Wow. That’s crazy.
Watercutter: All 50 writers get on stage!
Rubin: Not in a bad way!
And 12 birds!
Those guys seem like a fun night out.
Watercutter:“He’s a badass!”—Jack Black on Richard Linklater
Best Lead Actor in a TV Comedy (Presented by Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin)
Crucchiola: JANE FONDA LOOKS THE BEST.
Rubin: Well, if it isn’t HANOI JANE.
Kehe: Hahahaha.
Watercutter: Jesus Jane Fonda
Crucchiola: ONE TRUE PAIRING
“I thought you were just high that day.”
Kehe: I WAS JUST GONNA SAY: they’re definitely both stoned.
Crucchiola: “Well, two things can be true.”
Someone get Jane a panini!
Watercutter: These two are crushing it.
Crucchiola: Well, I think next year’s hosts were just christened.
Rubin: They just called House of Lies “House of Cards.”
Kehe: Again, stoned.
Crucchiola: They’re drunk.
Rubin: Jeffrey Tambor!
Kehe: I’m looking forward to this acceptance speech.
Crucchiola: The male contenders category was just won by the person playing a trans woman.
The progressiveness builds!!
Rubin: “And that is why you ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE.”
Crucchiola: HA!
Crucchiola: “This is big. This is much bigger than me.”
You go, Jeffrey!
Kehe: I’ve only had one glass of wine but I feel drunk on progress.
Watercutter: “To Amazon, my new best friend.”
Dedication to the transgender community—YES.
Kehe: “Thank you for your patience.” That’s it, guys.
Crucchiola: “Thank you for letting us be a part of the change.”
Watercutter: “Thank you for letting us be a part of the change.”
Rubin: “Thank you for letting us be a part of the change” is an enduring quote.
Kehe: I need to excuse myself.
Watercutter: Jinx
Kehe: It’s a night for tears. This is really legitimizing the Hollywood Foreign Press for me.
Best Foreign Film (Presented by Lupita Nyong’o and Colin Farrell)
Crucchiola: YAY LUPITA!
I’ve missed her!
Kehe: It’s kinda a shame we had to endure Cosby and Interview jokes.
Rubin: Colin Farrell has escaped from a Zane Grey book cover
Kehe: I love Lupita’s glasses!
Rubin: Her brother is somewhere fumbling around myopically.
Best Actress in a TV Miniseries or Movie (Presented by Kate Beckinsale and Adrien Brody)
Crucchiola: I just heard Kate Beckinsale is the star of “The Disappointment’s Room.”
That can’t be right
LET IT BE LANGE!
Rubin: I think it’s “The Disappointment Shroom.”
Crucchiola: Huh.
The Honorable Woman.
Kehe: Another Fargo—except Fargo woman didn’t win.
Crucchiola: The inability to predict just KEEPS ON BUILDING.
Watercutter: I want to know what Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal talk about when they have dinner.
Kehe: Their unusual bone structure, for sure.
Rubin: “So which one of us looks like Buzz Lightyear and which looks like a cabbage-leaf baby?”
Crucchiola: LOLOLOL
Maggie is so eloquent.
Rubin: Maggie Gyllenhaal: Turned On By Evolution!
(Maxim.com’s headline tomorrow)
Kehe: Her husband is a lover of complicated women. How evolutionary!
Rubin: She’s not just a winner, she’s a DAR-winner!
Kehe: Someone get this girl a KALE SALAD.
Rubin: (I mean she’s a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution.)
Crucchiola: Do you guys think Gina Rodriguez is still alive?
Watercutter: Tina’s Tux Just Won
Best TV Drama (Presented by Paul Rudd and Adam Levine)
Rubin: Paul Rudd and an oil slick currently on stage.
Watercutter: Sorry … now I’m writing in headlines for some reason.
Crucchiola: The Affair wins.
It’s opposite day!
Rubin:You Won’t Believe What Happened When Tina Fey Wore a Tux
Kehe: Was Affair supposed to win? Because the cameraman definitely fell over.
Crucchiola: No one tonight was supposed to win.
Kehe: Except HUMANITY.
Watercutter: You can’t win for something called The Affair and forget to thank your husband.
Kehe: Or can you?
Presentation for Pride
Watercutter: Gays!
Rubin: So now we know that Pride is a lock.
Crucchiola: I’m calling it now
Pride is winning this category.
Rubin: Any other night, not a chance.
Rubin: Tonight? Double rainbows for everyone.
Best Lead Actor in a TV Drama
Crucchiola: If Kevin Spacey wins Kate Mara can just be the trophy he holds in his hands.
Rubin: Francis Underwood with the win!
Watercutter: Kate is so happy for him!
Crucchiola: For a BISEXUAL POLITICIAN!
Watercutter: Never put down the drink, Kevin!
Rubin: He didn’t win a golden globe until he sexed a dude.
ON SCREEN
Watercutter: With his on-screen wife!
Rubin: Ben Foster is looking menacing.
Kehe: What was Kevin Spacey talking about? I…spaced.
Rubin: Stanley Kramer?
Watercutter: If Kevin Spacey gets any better I may not be able to handle it.
Rubin: Or nondairy creamer?
Crucchiola: This ideas as an abused alien commercial makes me really sad.
Rubin: “GE: We’ll Jim Henson the shit outta your ideas.”
Crucchiola: I hope your wife loved that one.
Rubin: We were both too busy screaming in terror at the idea.
Kehe: What about [Rubin’s dog] Crosby?
Rubin: If it’s not a back issue of Spy, he doesn’t have time for it.
Crucchiola: What a hipster.
Rubin: He rode here on a bike made out of antique tuba parts!
Watercutter: He wants you to switch over to Girls doesn’t he?
Crucchiola: That may have been the most on-point joke of the evening.
Kehe: HAHA.
Peter, you can write the Globes next year.
Crucchiola: That was a Tina/Amy joke.
Crucchiola: So, can Tina and Amy write the jokes again?
WHERE are they?!
George Clooney Gets the Cecil B. DeMille Award (Presented by Julianna Margulies and Don Cheadle)
Watercutter: We’re all FoGs!
Friends of George.
Rubin: Frugals of Gourmet
Crucchiola: I’m so jealous of Amal Alamuddin’s husband.
Kehe: Tribute to George opens with view of Earth from space: because he’s god.
Rubin: Why does this George Clooney reel feature no Facts of Life or Roseanne clips?
Crucchiola: That’s a failure.
Rubin: Cecil B. DeFEAT
Rubin: Obligatory Leatherheads moment.
THERE’S my Out of Sight clip.
Watercutter: Jules!
Kehe: He calls her “Jules.”
Crucchiola: When he said Jules and Don she was VISIBLY overwhelmed.
That was the greatest moment of her life.
We should all respect that the Clooney-sance predated the McConaissance.
This guy had a mullet in Rosanne.
Watercutter: George has on a “Je Suis Charlie” button on.
Crucchiola: And only started making consistent credibility pictures after like 2000.
Watching George Clooney be bashful about Amal is the most endearing thing he’s ever done.
Watercutter: It’s impossible for this man to not be charming.
Crucchiola: I want him to call me Jules.
It’s not my name and I don’t care.
Watercutter: Side note: I want some SF theater programmer to make a Fifty Shades of Grey and Magic Mike XXL double bill.
Rubin: How many categories are left? I just had my second birthday since this started.
Best Director (Presented by Harrison Ford)
Crucchiola: Does Harrison have his earring in??
Check!
Rubin: He does!
Watercutter: Soon to be seen in Star Wars Something Or Another, Harrison Ford.
Crucchiola: OK, so Linklater for director is the only think that hasn’t surprised me.
Kehe: I imagined Richard Linklater very differently.
Crucchiola: Less dude-like?
Kehe: Yeah.
Rubin: Not like Owen Wilson with gravitas?
Crucchiola: He kind of SOUNDS like Owen Wilson
Oh… indeed Peter.
Best Lead Actress in a TV Drama (Presented by Anna Faris and Chris Pratt)
Crucchiola: Look at that TRIM man!
Chris Pratt!
Rubin: Glad Chris Pratt is still “from Parks and Rec…” and not “Marvel anabolic freakshow…”
Crucchiola: Claire can’t win.
It’s too easy.
Ruth Wilson!
Rubin: Viola Davis is 3000% better than anything else about that How To Get Away With Murder.
I didn’t know Luther’s Stalker had a real name!
Crucchiola: I’m glad Ruth Wilson won on the strength of her role in Luther alone.
Rubin: Resolved: we will all watch The Affair now.
Crucchiola: No one in the audience is laughing at her jokes.
Because they don’t know what she’s talking about.
Because they haven’t seen The Affair.
Watercutter: “Dom, your ass is something of great beauty.” Well, OK then!
Paul Drinkwater/NBC
Kehe: In keeping with tonight’s theme:
Rubin: THERE we go.
Nancy McKeon approves.
Crucchiola: Well now we know WHY he got the honor.
He was EXPERIMENTING!
Watercutter: George Clooney: Original Lesbian
Crucchiola: GOL
Kehe: GOL. LOL.
Best Lead Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
Watercutter: Yes, Keaton! #MyBatman
Crucchiola: Man, Michael Keaton is SO awesome!
Kehe: Michael Keaton thanks HFPA for having a comedy category? Doesn’t the rest of the world disagree?
Crucchiola:
Rubin: Michael Keaton is in the third act of a Frank Capra movie right now.
Watercutter: Keaton’s number on the McCon-O-Meter right now is very high.
Rubin: Amy Poehler teared up a little, I think.
Watercutter: Again, Fey’s Tux Wins.
Rubin: Keaton got at least 400 millMcConaughheys.
Kehe: Oprah looks AWESOME. Gale agrees.
Gayle*
Rubin: Stedman is just happy to be here.
Crucchiola: He’s glad Gayle let him come.
Channing Tatum Presents Foxcatcher
Rubin: The Chan-Chan Man!
Speaking of Cecil B. DeBurnt.
Watercutter: Chan-Chan the Spray Tan Man
Rubin: My man is looking straight flame-broiled.
Watercutter: Still love him forever and a day.
Rubin: Charnel Taylun!
Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
Crucchiola: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????
Rubin: Wes Blanderson
Watercutter: All together now … “Huh?”
Rubin:… at least it had Bill Murray in it?
Crucchiola:
Watercutter: I just don’t know how that beat Birdman.
Kehe: OK, so drama predictions? Lego Movie??
Best Lead Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Paul Drinkwater/NBC
Crucchiola: MORE JULIANNE.
Reese. REVERSE AGING.
Watercutter: YES
Crucchiola: Heeeyyyyyyyy STILL ALICE!!!!
Watercutter: JULIANNE!
Kehe: JULIANNA MOOOOOORE!
Crucchiola: Her dress suggests she is VERY surprised she won.
As it has NO mobility.
Rubin: Is that Osh Kosh B’Gosh?
Watercutter: I’m so glad Julianne was able to get some use out of Katniss’s Mockingjay dress.
Crucchiola: Please let this foreshadow her long-delayed Oscar win
Watercutter: Yes—this better put her high on the Oscar list.
Kehe: Her accrual of milliMcConaugheys begins.
Lead Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
Crucchiola: EDDIE WON!!!!!
Rubin: WHOA
Kehe: NOOOOOOOO
Watercutter: Friend of WIRED Eddie Wins!
Crucchiola: THE WIRED ENDORESEMENT PAYS OFF!!!
Rubin: Nice work Mr. Redmayne!
Rubin:I am legitimately happy for this guy.
Crucchiola: Wondrous!
Rubin: His hands are shaking. Endearing.
Watercutter: So happy for him!
Crucchiola: Every woman at Wired is ready to enter a plural marriage with Eddie and Hannah.
Kehe: Uh, and every man.
Crucchiola: Fair.
Rubin: Sorry, saving myself for that giant dude who made How To Train Your Dragon 2.
Crucchiola: My apologies.
Crucchiola:
Crucchiola: Swoon-factor DEFINITELY matters in the race for milliMcConaugheys.
Best Motion Picture, Drama (Presented by Living Goddess Meryl Streep)
Watercutter: Marry Me, Meryl.
Paul Drinkwater/NBC
Crucchiola: And now for your clinic in stage presence,
by Meryl Streep.
Watercutter:Really, really tough category.
Boyhood!
Crucchiola: I get it.
Kehe: Great.
Crucchiola: But I’m already bored by it.
Crucchiola: “Biggest leap in film history”?
Richard.
Watercutter: Ethan Hawke made sure to get his Meryl Moment right there.
Rubin: Cho with the signoff!
Watercutter: Someone GIF Amy with that glass, right now.
Rubin: Great Cho, everyone.
Not the worst Globes ever!
Watercutter: After all that sad they have to remind us that Parks and Rec is ending?
Kehe: Real winners: Naomi’s serpent necklace, Prince, Gayle, HFPA
Rubin: Seriously.
I’m going to agree with all of those.
Watercutter: Real Heroes: Tambor, Bomer, Jessica Chastain (for being Jessica Chastain).
Crucchiola: All right. Going forward to Oscars: Boyhood‘s to lose? Keaton? Moore?
Rubin: Indeed.
Watercutter: Gotta say, I’m a little bummed that there wasn’t more love for Selma, but that’s neither here nor there.
Kehe: Anything can/should happen. I almost don’t want to grant anyone frontrunner status.
One prediction I will make: Next year’s hosts will be Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader, with jokes by Peter Rubin.
Watercutter: My dream!
Kehe: You incepted the idea, and now I’m gonna campaign for it.
Watercutter: And with that, we look forward to next year!
G’nite y’all! I’m going to watch the repeat… Or at least the duo-logue.
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