So this movie has a really strange origin story. Rinko Kikuchi (Pacific Rim) plays Kumiko, an office worker with nothing special going on in her life, until she finds a copy of the movie Fargo on VHS. This wouldn’t normally change anyone’s life, but Kumiko is desperate for a purpose, and out of that desperation, becomes convinced that Fargo is a documentary about a man (as in, Steve Buscemi’s character) who buried a substantial sum of money in the wilds of North Dakota. So, Kumiko sets out to find the buried treasure. She leaves her job and Japan and everything she knows to make her way through the snows of Dakota. The crazy part is, Kumiko is based on a real person named Takako Konishi. Konishi’s body was found in North Dakota in 2001, and for years the prevailing theory was that she died in pursuit of exhuming Buscemi’s buried loot. That version of events was a href=”http://ift.tt/1APMMqx target=”_blank”>debunked in 2003, but movies don’t have to be true, so we get the weird universe in which a young Japanese woman ditches her whole life to scour the great white American north for hidden cash. Gotta love the movies.
Pause at: 0:30 for Kumiko with her only friend.
Essential Quote: “Solitude is just fancy loneliness.”—Old woman
The Small Screen Standout: The Nightly Show
Larry Wilmore will be the successor to Stephen Colbert. Surely Wilmore is up to the task, but the pain of abandonment is still too raw to talk about moving on from our beloved Stephen.
Pause at: 0:22. Larry Wilmore: a friend to the elderly.
Essential Quote: “It’s gonna be hilarious!”—Wilmore (let’s hope so!)
The Small Screen Sendoff: Parks and Recreation Season 7
For its seventh and final season, the adorable little heart and soul of TV comedy is returning to the future timeline established in season six. That means it’s still 2017, and our Pawnee friends have come so far! Tom (Aziz Ansari) is successful “mogul” man. Gary (Jim O’Heir) alias Jerry alias Larry is now Terry. Andy (Chris Pratt) has a television show of his own. And Leslie (Amy Poehler) and Ben (Adam Scott) are apparently being stalked by octocopter drones.
Pause at: 0:17. Classic Jerry. Then 0:21. Classic April.
Essential Quote: “I go by Terry now. I said, ‘My real name is Gary.’ And they said ‘Who cares?'”—Jerry
The Statham One: Wild Card
Activate Statham in 3, 2, KILL! The Brit who redefined bald sexy is back with his millionth martial arts/street boxing instructional video, and no, we are not yet satisfied! Apparently, Wild Card is a remake of the 1986 Burt Reynolds vehicle Heat, and who better to reboot Burt than The Stath? According to Slashflim, the script for this picture is the same as the original, which was written by William Goldman and based on a novel he wrote. But Goldman didn’t love the first effort, so he got a mulligan. That means hold your bitch about Hollywood reboots and blah blah because this one is a good, old-fashioned do-over. Statham plays Nick Wild, a Las Vegas bodyguard with a gambling problem … and then everything spins out of control from there. Bad guys, you’re on notice.
Pause at: 0:13. Obviously Sofia Vergara is here. Statham furrow at 0:42. This guy at 0:48 tells the whole story. This battered woman at 1:19 screams Statham vengeance. Don’t bring a gun to a Statham fight at 2:23.
Essential Quote: “I can take care of things. That’s all you need to know.”—Nick Wild
The Auteur One: Knight of Cups
Even if Knight of Cups looks noticeably more electric than Terrence Malick’s recent endeavors like Tree of Life and To the Wonder it still has the director’s fingerprints all over it. That voiceover. That cinematography. All that meaning! There isn’t a lot available as far as a synopsis goes for Cups, but Christian Bale seems to be playing a man intoxicated by the good life—and a man intoxicated in general—in candy covered Los Angeles. Cate Blanchett and Natalie Portman co-star, and look for appearances by Brian Dennehy, Antonio Banderas, Freida Pinto, Wes Bentley, Isabel Lucas, Teresa Palmer, and Imogen Poots, because Malick’s just got it like that.
Pause at: 0:17. LA is a helluva drug. Is that a man on a leash at 0:34?
Essential Quote: “No one cares about reality anymore.”
The Scary One: [REC] 4: Apocalypse
Manuela Velasco returns to the horror franchise she helped start all the way back in 2007. Velasco skipped [REC] 3 but is back in the follow-up as Angela Vidal, the TV reporter whose life basically turned into a nightmare after the hellish events of the first [REC] had her locked inside an apartment building with a ravenous zombie horde. (The movie was very respectably remade in the United States as Quarantine and starred Jennifer Carpenter of Dexter fame.) Well for [REC] 4, Angela has at last been liberated from the doomed apartments—where the first sequel was also set—and has been transferred to an oil tanker for examination. More specifically, she’s now in a claustrophobic, contained environment after being trapped with a bunch of people infected by a mysterious sickness. I wonder if she picked something up while she was inside… Guess we’ll find out!
Pause at: 0:25. Now that’s a death ship if we’ve ever seen one! Getting to the good stuff at 0:34. OH GOD! at 0:39. Well yeah this is all terrible at 0:46, 1:15, 1:23, and 1:34. An adequate weapon at 1:36.
Essential Quote: “Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!”—Uninfected human combatant
The Aggressively Indie One: Appropriate Behavior
So, this looks more than a little like Frances Ha, which isn’t a bad thing. Greta Gerwig’s ode to young quirky women finding their identities was a totally enjoyable movie experience, but forgive us, Ms. Gerwig, if we’re more excited for Appropriate Behavior. That kind of “20-something arrested development in Brooklyn” trope feels a lot more exciting in the hands of a bisexual Iranian woman who doesn’t have the hookups of being with Noah Baumbach. The Iranian woman in question is newcomer Desiree Akhavan, who wrote, directed, and obviously starred in this awkward party. She’s a Persian girl trying to live up to the life her parents have prescribed for her, but it’s just not going so well—especially when she gets a live-in girlfriend. Whoops! Sorry mom and dad! Roommate. She’s just a roommate. Like, a sameroommate. What? Never mind. How’s grandma?
Pause at: 0:33 for sexy.
Song: Verity Susman, “To Make You Afraid””
Essential Quote: “I spend most of my time watching Disney videos with my grandmother while she untangles jewelry.”—Shirin (Akhavan), on the “scene” in Tehran
The Trippiest: The Duke of Burgundy
Kevin Jagernauth over at The Playlist really gives the best possible description of this movie, saying it “follows the lesbian, sadomasochistic relationship between a lepidopterist and her domestic servant/slave. Take that corporate, vanilla shill Christian Grey.” Whoa. So, that’s a woman studying butterflies and moths who has a sub/dom relationship with her housekeeper. Everyone got that? OK, we’re good to move on then. Also, “Lesbian Sadomasochistic Lepidopterist Relationship Dramas” might be the best Netflix recommendation we’ve never heard of.
Pause at: 0:24 for power dynamics.
Essential Quote: “This is all I ever dreamed about, to be used by you. I love you.”—Evelyn (Chiara D’Anna), in way too deep
The Psychological Thriller: True Story
Jonah Hill. Is this guy Hollywood’s most effective dual threat actor? And when we all watched Grandma’s Boy and Superbad all those years ago, did anyone seriously think “Academy Award nominee Jonah Hill” was a possible sentence in any hypothetical future? Of course not! (And if you said “yes” you’re a liar.) Well, now it’s almost 2015, and Jonah Hill has two Oscar nods and is starring alongside fellow nominee James Franco in True Story, about an accused murderer (Franco) who has appropriated the identity of a disgraced New York Times reporter (Hill), and the potentially dangerous relationship they develop. Felicity Jones co-stars as Hill’s girlfriend, and since she could read a shampoo bottle and make it interesting, will probably be great here as the put-upon partner to Hill’s Michael Finkel character. This movie looks solid, and is probably especially exciting for James Franco, considering that major release he was supposed to have at Christmastime might die in the Sony vault.
Pause at: 1:14 for creepy Franco. Three-time Oscar nominee Jonah Hill at 1:24?
Essential Quote: “He was just a regular guy, an intelligent sane man, he comes home one night and kills his wife and kids—it makes no sense.”
The Kevin Hart One: Get Hard
Will Ferrell plays hedge fund manager James King. He’s being shipped off to prison for white-collar crime, and needs Darnell Lewis (Kevin Hart)—a black man—to show him survival tips for the big house. And it’s called Get Hard. We don’t need to know anything else.
Pause at: 0:26 for the best chest in movies. 0:50 for Sharper Image gone wrong. Darnell’s girlfriend will not tolerate his disrespect at 1:26! Short-people jokes at 1:34. T.I. bomb at 2:25.
Song: Will.I.Am, “T.H.E.”
Essential Quote: “You ready white boy?! Pepper spray, bitch! Prison school is in session!”—Darnell
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