Ever wonder what it would be like to have a deer spirit animal for your dog named Sugar Bob? Or what it’s like for Maisie Williams to watch her ultra-NSFW TV show Games of Thrones with her grandma? Or how it would feel to have Chelsea Clinton cut you down to size with her laser eyes? Well fortunately, you can rest easy, because we’ve got the answers to all those questions along with a few more you never even considered asking in this week’s TV roundup. We say “hello!” to James Corden, farewell to Nick Kroll, and “Why, God, why?!” to the pay gap between men and women. Laugh with us. Cry with us. Then hand the woman nearest to you at the office whatever money is in your wallet, because she probably isn’t being fairly compensated.
The Late Late Show With James Corden—Every Tom Hanks Movie in 7 Minutes (Above)
James Corden is officially part of the chat show lineup, and he’s starting off big with sketch starring American Treasure and all around Awesome Guy, Tom Hanks. If Corden is trying to seduce stateside audiences by pandering to our love of T. Hanks, well, it’s working. You have our curiosity, Corden, but can you keep our attention?
Jimmy Kimmel Live!—Maisie Williams Watches Game of Thrones With Her Grandma
Maisie Williams will turn 18 this coming April, which means she is only one year younger than her co-star/on-screen big sister, Sophie Turner. We really hate to play the double standard, but our emotional response to seeing Williams in grown up clothes is way different than the one we have to Turner, which is to say, we involuntarily reject Williams in anything more feminine than a tousled pageboy haircut and gender-neutral medieval attire. Sigh. They grow up so fast! But really, hit her up on Twitter for her latest and greatest bon mots about quirky handbags, her sweaty hands, and #mophie. She’s #MaisieCraisie.
The Late Show With David Letterman—Aubrey Plaza’s Basketball League
Somehow, Aubrey Plaza seems to make it through every one of her late night appearances without ever looking the host in the eye. Is it a defense mechanism? Is it a power move? Is she physically capable of direct eye contact?! The enigma that is Ms. Plaza will continue to keep us on our toes.
Conan—Christopher Plummer’s Secret to Long Life: ‘Hard Drinking’
This guy. Such a bummer we’ll never know what it was like to party with Christopher Plummer in the swinging 1960s. And could he be any classier? A Canadian who acts like an Englishman with an Oscar and a bundle of Emmys and Tonys who has also played a Star Trek villain? Swoon! In his younger days he also didn’t look half bad in drag. And we all know that it takes a real man to wear women’s clothing.
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart—The Future of Gender Wage Equality
Our eyes are filled with tears, but we cant tell if were crying from laughter or laughing in the middle of a good cry. This woman gets it.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon—’Mitt in the Mirror’ With Mitt Romney & Jimmy Fallon
The funny thing is, if Mitt Romney were running for president again we would probably hate this sketch. But since he’s realized the futility of setting millions of dollars on fire in pursuit of the White House, we can say “Way to go, Mitt! High five for making fun of yourself!” Ha. Ha ha. Ha.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!—Serve a Year PSA With Chelsea Clinton and Jimmy Kimmel
If Chelsea Clinton decided to run for president, we’d vote for her based on the strength of that side-eye alone. And it’s a look we feel like papa Bill has gotten a lot over the years.
Conan—Kevin Hart: Will Ferrell Is ‘Cheap as Hell’
Part 1,000,000 of the Kevin Hart Charm Offensive.
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart—Dude, That Deer Is Wicked High
Between Portlandia and this sketch we’re all totally clear that Oregon is the best place to live in the whole world, right? Everyone deserves to their own Sugar Bob in the wilds of a temperate rainforest.
Bonus Track: The Kroll Show—Together Forever
As we say farewell to The Kroll Show, we must too say farewell to our beloved Lizes of PubLIZity. We can go forth with peace, knowing that Liz B. and Liz G. will continue to look uh-meeeaayyy-zing no matter what endeavors they pursue next.
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