Warner Bros.
This week, Tumblr launched “Fandometrics,” a ranking that literally scores which fandom is more active and popular on the platform at any given moment. Is this a sign of an oncoming Internet apocalypse, or just a malignant shadow organization sowing the seeds of a fandom war the likes of which no one has ever seen? Almost definitely the latter—but for now, while the World Wide Web stands together (or as together as it ever does), here are some of the highlights of what you might have missed online over the last seven days.
Won’t You Be My Baby, Baby
What Happened: A plastic baby was substituted for a real baby in one scene of surprise blockbuster American Sniper. A lot of people noticed.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces
What Really Happened: Of all the many concerns surrounding American Sniper, none have grabbed the interest of the Internet as much as the clearly fake baby used in one scene with actors Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller. Is it “the fakest baby in movie history” as claimed by Buzzfeed? The Washington Post is only willing to go so far as to call it “super fake”, although CNN believes that it steals the show nonetheless. IFC even went so far as to make a For Your Consideration ad for it, while Grantland got the exclusive interview with the baby itself. It fell to Vulture to explain why the fake was used, an explanation that was essentially, “Our real baby was sick and director Clint Eastwood was in a hurry.” Secrets behind the silver screen, kids!
The Takeaway: Clint Eastwood is apparently a director who waits for no man—or, in this case, baby. As can be seen this time around, that’s not necessarily a good thing. (Alternatively, Clint Eastwood can’t really tell the difference between a real baby and a fake baby, but that’s even more worrying.) The movie’s loss was pretty much everyone else’s gain, though.
Jokes, Schmokes, Just Stop Talking About Your Sex Lives
What Happened: A couple of hashtags made people feel the need to describe their sex lives by using videogame titles and band names.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter
What Really Happened: There’s no telling what prompted the latest outbreak of the Twitter memes #DescribeYourSexLifeWithAVideogame—last seen in action in 2012, though also supplemented by #NameYourJunkAfterAGame—or #DescribeYourSexLifeWithABand, but for the last week on Twitter, there they were, complete with comedy responses.
Why is this happening again?!?
The Takeaway: People are really eager to share under cover of comedy. I wonder what would happen if the hashtag #DescribeYourSexLifeInExcrutiatingHonesty ever caught on? (Only joking; that’d never catch on.)
No, It Literally Didn’t Know What It Was Doing, Officer
What Happened: An art group created an automated bot that accidentally ended up buying ecstasy online. Which may not be art, but is certainly illegal, which turns out to be a problem.
Where It Blew Up: Blogs, media think pieces
What Really Happened: A Swiss art collective called !Mediengruppe Bitnik created an automated bot for an exhibition about the Darknet, gave it a weekly budget of $100 worth of bitcoin, and sent it out to purchase things online at random, with the purchases mailed back to the gallery to be displayed. Among those purchases, according to reports, were Lord of The Rings books, a Platinum Visa card, and spy gear. On, and some ecstasy. To the surprise of no one, this led to the purchases being seized by police, prompting think pieces and excited news reports in equal measure. But really, who is to blame when something like this happens entirely randomly? Is it time for bot jail? Is this what’s going to launch us into a Terminator-esque land of robot overlords and Artificial Intelligence rebellion?
The Takeaway: In many ways, this bot feels as if it’s some kind of updated version of “How Long Would It Take An Infinite Amount of Monkeys With An Infinite Number of Typewriters To Write Shakespeare?” except recast as Gawker-bait. If nothing else, I can only hope that this instance has set an unexpected new legal defense in possession of drugs cases.
Truth Is Slower Than Fiction
What Happened: Three years after The Onion made a joke about Overstock.com, the company went ahead and turned it into a reality.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces
What Really Happened: Two years ago, The Onion ran a story about Overstock.com launching its own video-on-demand service, based on the success of its ads. This week, Overstock.com actually did that . The response was immediate, with many taking to Twitter to point out that the Onion has gone from parody to prophet:
As you might expect, much of the rest of the Internet also noticed the strange overlap. The real question is, what is the next Onion story that’s going to come true?
The Takeaway: What’s that saying about history repeating itself, first as tragedy, then as comedy? I think things happened in the wrong order this time around.
Giddy-Up, Bronies
What Happened: Someone has made a My Little Pony blow-up doll. No, really: Someone has made a My Little Pony blow-up doll.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces
What Really Happened: A Chinese company is selling bootleg My Little Pony blow-up sex dolls, and the Internet is appalled. Whether it’s concern for Bronies who might find themselves aroused by it, kneejerk kinkshaming or interest in potential logo placement, everyone had an opinion—with the exception of My Little Pony manufacturers Hasbro.
The Takeaway: Given the attention this bootleg was given, it can only be a short time before Hasbro realizes the potential in “adult” products based on their popular toy franchises. We’re just months away from a legit G.I. Joe blow-up doll, readers. (And you’re welcome for not indulging in the obvious “Cobra Commander” joke.)
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